Sunday, May 4, 2008

it's not about me...

This past week at our precious women's group, I shared my testimony. I've spoken often here on the blog of freedom in Christ and finding joy and hope in life, which is given by the Lord, being freed from shame, guilt, condemnation.

So I fumbled through my testimony, given sort of spur of the moment and at the end of it, it was amazing how the Lord used it to His glory. Some women spoke up, sharing their own experiences, their own hurts, their own journey to freedom and the Lord's merciful hand of salvation upon accepting Jesus as their Savior. Their lives filled with hope, a shred of light in a dark, dark place.

I left that day, so thankful for the Lord's work in these beautiful people's lives. Testimonies glorifying the Lord!

However, I spent the rest of the day questioning my wording of my testimony. Lord, did I say all I was supposed to, did I say it right, did I not share all that you've done for me, did I disappoint you, did I misrepresent myself??? It went on, the questioning, the returning of the guilt, the shame, the hiddeness.

Praise the Lord! His words to my heart, "it's not about you"...guard your testimony, don't listen to the lies of the enemy!

What I said, was what He knew I'd say and He used that. The truth is there were more things I wanted to say...but I was afraid, I was ashamed. I gave my testimony sharing my heart and feelings from that, but not specifics.

But the Lord is good. I shared more over the phone later with a sweet friend and there was such joy and freedom in that. The Lord spoke to my heart the rest of the day, showing me that this was a step in my journey, showing that as much as I say I've accepted the freedom He has given for and to me, I've not accepted it as a truth to myself...many times not considering myself worthy. I realized I would have been able to give my testimony openly, boldly, completely, without hanging my head in shame, without the fear of that baggage being returned, without the fear of becoming "that person" again, if I truly acccepted His forgiveness. (I say this knowing I was in a place that was safe, with women who have a heart for the Lord; there is a time and place for our testimonies.) He continues to love me, offering His unconditional love and forgiveness, His truth. Lord help me accept your gift...

Grace...He sheds, showers, covers with His grace. He has saved me! He has saved me with an unconditional, healing love. I am loved, and I love, adore my Father. God created us to live a life that is free. We live in a world that is filled with sin, a world that is filled with sadness, hate, sickness, death. But though we are in this world, we are not of it. With Jesus Christ in our hearts, the Lord has given us a life that is free from fear, shame and condemnation. We still
have consequences of our actions, but know confidently that the Lord will give you the peace of Him and the joy of His love in these situations, for He uses all things to His glory! And yes, He does perform miracles and creates miraculous situations...

God, you are great and mighty, it is not about me, it is about you, bless you, I love you!

Praying you are finding His love and accepting His forgiveness, glorifying His name!

"I will praise Your name, for You have done wonderful things."-Isaiah 25:1

1 comment:

Llama Momma said...

I came over from "Holy Experience" and just wanted to say good for you, for being willing to share. I pray God blesses you for your willingness to honor him in this way!

Blessings to you.

Daily life=thrive

This journey of life-daily routines... sweet one, do you see the sun peeking through? The Lord is always present, perfect in His steadfas...