First- we are expecting boy number 5! How amazing to see God's hand upon on family! Yes, everyone was convinced "this one has to be a girl..." nope :) My husband says he doesn't make girls (jokingly of course) but so far the Lord has seen fit to bless us with sons only...and I am humbled by the opportunity to be a mama of boys.
Second- I've prayed for healing and growth in my heart. I've asked the Lord to show me who I am in Him. He is doing this- to Him alone be the glory! But sweet friends, it is a process, heart breaking at times, a vulnerable place and place that doesn't just affect me but my family (mostly my precious husband) as well. His grace is sufficient. The prayers of my husband and the grace he extends to me as well are humbling. I would greatly appreciate your prayers in this area-covering over our marriage and family and our hearts. I will be honest with my struggles. I have always wanted to make everyone happy but in that I've lost who I am, I struggle with fear (fear of making mistakes, disappointing others...) and I struggle with guilt. I was blessed to hear a sermon yesterday on this topic where a person can go to the extreme of guilt, always feeling guilty for nothing (my middle name could be Sorry!) with this being a weak conscience. It is good to give it a name. These things combined lead me to retreat inward in sadness. Something not good for anyone and certainly not where my Father wants me.
I share this only to God's glory- He is mighty and He hears our prayers! God has brought me so far, releasing me from strongholds and answering a petition I've lifted up to Him for freedom and peace from my inward battles. I am being transparent here...this is hard. I like happy joyful things-I like to read happy joyful things :) But being the body of Christ, maybe this is something you might struggle with...you (we) are not alone.
I truly, truly say My Heart Will (and Does) Rejoice!
My little children, these things I write to you, so that you may not sin. And if anyone sins, we have an Advocate with the Father, Jesus Christ the righteous. And He Himself is the propitiation for our sins, and not for ours only but also for the whole world. ~1 John 2:1-2
[ Their Spiritual State ] I write to you, little children, Because your sins are forgiven you for His name’s sake. 1 John 2:12