Saturday, September 11, 2010

the reigns...

the boys...
I somehow had this realization yesterday while dusting (I was at work-not my own home ;) ) that my boys will one day be grown men, prayerfully with families of their own...and hubby and I will still have a life to live...a whole life...a whole new season that I'd somehow never truly realized.  I'm so focused on the now and what our lives are right here that it is hard to imagine anything beyond this.

I have to admit I've been struggling lately with what I want our life to be now and fearing that it will never be and then life will be passed and the kids will be grown and that's as far as my thoughts usually go.  I know our children are not and should not be my life.  They are precious gifts from the Lord whom He has entrusted to our care, to train up in the ways they should go...that we might let them go on to the purpose He has called them to, praying we've done the best we can and knowing His grace is there to cover our mistakes.  So saying this, maybe this is the realization that maybe I am thinking like this.

But I digress, so my struggles...discontentment and fear.  Both not true or honoring to our Father.  But I can't emphasize enough to you the grace that has poured out from my precious Heavenly Father.  Despite my heart attitude, He has heard my cries, my pleas to fix this broken and sinful heart of mine.  He has been faithful to show me quickly how He hears me and cares for the little things as much as the big things.  I prayed, I cried for joy...and He filled me.

I can only turn to His Word...His love to us.
I have prayed He would allow me to know Him better, to be the woman He has called me to be, to know who I am in Him.

He is faithful, I know this, I cling to this, looking forward with faith that He is in control and knows SO MUCH better than I do what is best for all of us-not just me.  How precious He is, with mercy and grace and all in love.

Deuteronomy 28:11 (New International Version)

11 The LORD will grant you abundant prosperity—in the fruit of your womb, the young of your livestock and the crops of your ground—in the land he swore to your forefathers to give you.

I sit in the cart continually handing over the reigns but holding onto the ends out of fear we might never go down "that" path.  He stops the cart, sits and listens, and waits, patiently reaffirming that the cart might end up on that path...and it might not.  But no matter which way He leads it, if I let Him...and trust Him He will take me on the BEST path.  He gently puts his hand out and waits for the reigns of this cart that sit in my hand.  I give them, asking for His help to let go, His peace surrounding, His voice to my heart.

Deuteronomy 5:33 (New International Version)

33 Walk in all the way that the LORD your God has commanded you, so that you may live and prosper and prolong your days in the land that you will possess.

 And He will lead...and I pray to sit and look out past the cart and see the beauty of the path He drives, looking beyond the reigns, taking the blinders off, the fears, the worries subsiding,
...trusting, faith...

looking out...

Psalm 121:1-2

A song of ascents.

 1 I lift up my eyes to the hills—
       where does my help come from?
 2 My help comes from the LORD,
       the Maker of heaven and earth.

Bless you dear friends,


myletterstoemily said...

good morning, bree!

i know exactly how you feel, because i
struggle with both of those 'stealers',

you will triumph, because He will lead
and grace you to do so.

your boys look so cute with their giant
backpacks. i pray for success and
blessing on every side for them.


myletterstoemily said...

hi bree!

i pray school is going well for your
sweet little ones!

thank you for asking about our daughter,
hailey, who is in brazil. she is doing just
great but her mama misses her terribly.

it sort of feels like a gnawing hole in my
stomach, but His grace is sufficient.

i know it's confusing, but "emily" is a
young mother of five, who i occasionally
mentor. the letters are written to her as
a 'type' of all young mothers.

have a wonderful week!


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