Wednesday, March 14, 2012

learning...

last new year, i sat, excited for the year ahead.  my honey was in uganda and the boys and i waited, praying for his safe return. in his absence, i was cleaning, purging!  our home was (still is to be honest) was FILLED to the brim with the "when i have time for this" and "oh, we can use this" kind of projects that we had each bedroom and closet overflowing, not using even one bit...because we couldn't get to any of it.

well, i was productive!  i took boxes upon boxes, bags upon bags (contractor bags mind you) to the consignment store, thrift store, library and dump.  it was good!

i also looked ahead to the new year.  drawing closer to my heavenly Father.  learning, achieving, growing, being a better wife, mom, teacher, daughter, child of the LORD.  family devotions, consistent devotional time, studying His word, being healthy.  a big and hopeful year!

well, the year passed and i have to say, humbly, the LORD heard my prayers, my desires, but surely executed them in a much different way than i expected (ohh, to be simple and human :) )

1.  drawing closer to Him:
~i don't think i've ever cried out to the Lord, on my knees, broken, desperate, unable to breathe, finally... quietly, broken of this will of mine, accepting as i have this past year.  from the outside, our situation is not awful as it sounds (it isn't awful at all), but it was a breaking in my spirit that the Lord had to do.  and He, as He always does, did  (and is doing) with love.

2.  learning, achieving, growing:
~not what i expected :)  it has all been a learning of my weaknesses, my sinful ways and a growing of a heart in this broken sinful girl that is closer to Him.  there has not been any achievement in me- it has ALL been the grace of our living God who has allowed me to learn to love, to see more through His eyes and less of me and the strength of my Creator who has held me in His arms and pruned with love, that I would grow and not wither away.

3.  a better wife, mom:
~less of me, giving of my time-me, giving without expectations, loving unconditionally, submitting with the knowledge that "my" plans were not going to be the result (but knowing and trusting that God was leading this dear man of mine)...finally, appreciating how much i have had when i was trying so hard to do so many other things -"achieve"- when God's gifts are here right in front of me.  His perspective and not my own.  thanking, repenting, more thanking, more repenting...being grateful.

4.  teacher:
~i have to just laugh here...for me to be a better teacher to our boys (at least academically), i had to get out of the picture and let daddy teach.  NEVER would i have thought!  yep, the Lord's ways are truly better than our ways, with the utmost sincerity i say this.  :)

5.  daughter:
~the Lord in His graciousness, spared and watched over my loved ones.  prayers have continued without ceasing and relationships are growing, deepening... a love that fills my heart and that of our sweet boys with a grandpa and grams :)  being intentional with our loved ones...

6. child of the LORD:
~all of this...learning of His unwavering love and strength when i feel i can't take one more step.  learning that my relationship with Christ is not based on my emotions, my teaching, my intentions, my friends- it is based on His Word, solely and completely...sola Scriptura...orthodoxy, orthopraxy (my big words ;))...and knowing that trusting and hoping are not and should not be dependent on the situation or the changing of it (despite what i may want.)  they are completely based on His Word and who He is-HIs character that is unwavering and faithful-to His glory.

7. family devotions, consistent devotional time:
~my precious hubby started praying with the boys and i every evening...and didn't quit or try and make it perfect as i would have tried to do (and would have failed!)...in this i have learned to just sit, to rest in Him and in (and with) His blessings.  it blesses my heart to see my husband leading and me submitting to his leadership.

8.  studying His word:
~this is actually just starting but it is a follow up to #6 :)  a neat testimony- a continuous visiting of a sweet girl R, whom we're praying for (and I would love your prayers for her too) sharing her beliefs as a Jehovah's witness.  the Lord took this time, placed words in my mouth to share, ask and then amazing-our 10 year old grabbed his Bible and shared!  i was speechless, BLESSED, HUMBLED, THANKFUL and also realized how little i knew to defend my faith and the hope that lies within me.
(1 Peter  3:15)...beginning steps and the journey with Him.

9.  being healthy:
~ i am excited to say, i've lost weight and have been able to keep it off because the Lord changed (is changing) this heart of mine...making conscious decisions with His strength.

it has been a hard year but a blessed year beyond measure...and answered prayers...i look with joy and hope, found in my Savior and His blessings.

The beautiful verses I'm resting in...


Lamentations 3:24-27
New International Version (NIV)


24 I say to myself, “The LORD is my portion; 
   therefore I will wait for him.”
 25 The LORD is good to those whose hope is in him, 
   to the one who seeks him; 
26 it is good to wait quietly 
   for the salvation of the LORD. 
27 It is good for a man to bear the yoke 
   while he is young.

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