how time flies

My goodness, how has it been more than a year since I've written on here? I must say I do like the ease and quickness of Instagram. But really, it's because I love to post pictures and my hard drive is full and I can't download any pictures on this awesome Macbook that I'm pretty sure is 7 or 8 years old- yep, shout out for Macs...Iphone, hmmph, not so much anymore, but we don't need to go there since I still have the silly thing that I owe an arm and a leg for. But I digress...

Ok, so we have an amazing little girl. She's pretty darn stinking special, just like her brothers. Delivery was ok. After five natural births, I opted for an epidural. Maybe because I'm older, maybe because I was struggling big time with fear over this delivery. I don't know, but I said yes to that beautiful ginormous needle filled with numbing medication. So the results- it was awesome during the delivery. My husband said it was our best delivery ever. And you know, it was amazing to not feel like I was going to pass out from the awful pain you can't escape. The cons- with the previous deliveries there was such intense pain and then such intense relief after delivery, there was an overwhelming wave of emotion. This delivery was quite the opposite, calm and thankful but not a rush of emotion and for me personally, I didn't feel that immediate bond with our sweet girl. Next, the back pain hung around for a good few months. Not cool. Before, that baby popped out and I was up at the bathroom and back to normal, but not so this time. Finally, but the most ridiculous and no validity, I "felt" bad that I hadn't been stronger and done natural. But this is just pride, I'm just keeping it real by sharing what my mind was going through. So if we did this again and you asked me which route I'd take, I would opt for natural again or at least try my hardest for it. But I speak only for myself. The pain of natural childbirth...oh man, at least I know I could never be a spy and deal with interrogation. It's no joke but I've also been through it and have something to compare it to. But there is never ever any shame in which option a mama chooses. A precious friend of mine had BIG babies and endured more pain then was ever necessary for her and I believe she would say get that dang epidural before you even leave your house! Birth should be a blessing, not traumatic if avoidable.

I returned to work after 6 weeks- again, something completely new from our past babies. It was heart wrenching. God and I had quite a few talks and crying sessions. But we're ok. Our sweet girl is safe and truly the happiest lil peanut I've ever seen. She is adored by her daddy and big brothers. And my job is a God thing. It's a place that is growing and stretching my faith, my reliance on the Lord, and learning to be strong while not losing my joy. If you ever wonder if God isn't listening, know He never stops. He is always there. And when your tears fall, He catches them. And when the laughter rolls, He is there rejoicing with you. This season of life, He continues to remind me, it is not my circumstances that are important, it is my heart in them. Paul rejoiced when free and when in prison. He was content with little and with much. It was his heart in his circumstances. His joy was complete in Christ. My heart through all of this, it is always has to go back to knowing and remembering I can trust my heavenly Father to lead us.

So on to buying pink flip flops and preparing to send our oldest off to college. How so much can happen in a year!