Some days we're put together. Some days we're not. Some of those days we appear put together and that new friend says a simple hi and you fall to pieces. Good times...
I'm a listener. I believe the LORD has given me the gift of compassion. My heart breaks for so many. I'm a crier. I'm emotional. I want to see the best in people and I do see those things but sometimes, sometimes those people don't see that in themselves. And sometimes, I want to see the best in people and it's not there...and I'm hurt and my pride rears its ugly head to cover my hurt. Blah...
And sometimes (on the good side of this) there are words spoken that pierce the heart and that pride rears its ugly head again to defend and attack... but truth is spoken in tough love and when the heart softens growth happens. But it hurts in those out of the comfort zone times. It hurts to see through different clear eyes...through His eyes. This is part of my testimony. God used my husband early in our marriage (and ongoing-Amen to this!) to reveal truth to me, but for the first time I heard what was being said. I saw what He saw. I saw what was grieving my Father's heart (and my husband and family) and it broke my heart. And I had a choice: to wallow in my pity party or with a humble heart, hear, learn and let God change my heart. To God be the glory...He did (and does) it for my good.
Life is hard. Life is good though...always. In the midst of pain, sadness, joy, patience, it is all good. We asked to be refined and we forget that refining process is fire melting metal. Not a feather duster on fine china. But you are more worthy than rubies, a beautiful precious stone. God disciplines His children for their good and for His glory. Not to hurt them. To love them. We discipline our children for running out into the road for their good, for we know what the consequences could be. We don't give free liberties to young ones because we know it is our duty to protect them. You don't give the recovering alcoholic a sip because we know what could come. We are sinners (prayerfully you are saved by grace if reading this, if not please read here to know more and the hope of this world) that still struggle with the flesh. The Apostle Paul says in Romans,
We bow our heads to Christ. I want what He wants. And yet, I sin. I fall into self reliance, worry, fear, doubt. I try to fix or control things, when what I'm supposed to be doing is laying it at His feet, in constant prayer and trusting Him. We are in this world but not of it. The world has a "solution" box. Pick and you shall receive (consequences aren't mentioned). God has His Word. Trust and you shall be comforted, cared for, loved by the Creator of the heavens and earth. The One who knows how many hairs are on your heard. The One who knit you in your mother's womb. The One who knew you before the beginning of time. Can you even fathom the depths of His love...it is more than I can even begin to grasp...and I am in awe. How much I can resemble my four year old...we tell him no and he does it just a little bit more almost instantly. And he knows the consequences but his sinful nature chooses his desires and not what is good. Praise the LORD, He never tires of us. My patience wears thin and His doesn't.
This post is a summary I suppose of what has been happening the past few weeks. I can't help but gently smile, as the next day after writing my last post on contentment the LORD began testing me. I'm not going to lie...my heart was broken and struggling for a couple weeks. This gig called parenting...this is hard stuff. Enough to take your breath away. But what He keeps reminding me is:
1. He loves these kids even more than I do
2. He is faithful
3. I can trust Him
I can breathe again. I am blessed to be the wife of a man who loves our Heavenly Father. A man who not only loves the LORD but loves our kids just as much as I do. We let go and let God. He is in all of the decisions, both big and small. And even though something seems so small (or so big) to me, He's in control and me trying to control it is just going to botch it up. A work in progress here :)
Praising Him for His faithfulness :)
Sanctify them in the truth; your word is truth. John 17:17 ESV